Proses Bertindak Sebagai Orang Tua nyata Kristen
Oleh Chelsea Aubin
Ada sedikit macam proses bertindak sebagai orang tua, yang dianggap proses bertindak sebagai orang tua Kristen yang sudah menyebabkan perdebatan besar. Beberapa orang sebetulnya menghubungkan proses bertindak sebagai orang tua Kristen dengan penganiayaan anak. Ini tidak adalah kasus. Sebenarnya, banyak orang
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Umur Belasan Tahun proses bertindak sebagai orang tua - menyeberangkan Titik Anda
Oleh Carol Shepley
Memberikan nasehat kepada seorang anak belasan tahun sangat mudah; menyuruh seorang anak belasan tahun untuk menuruti nasehat itu adalah soal lain secara keseluruhan. Tidak adalah hanya kasus nasehat yang 'jatuh di telinga tuli', kadang-kadang anak belasan tahun kelihatannya
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Proses bertindak sebagai orang tua mengutip xNP berkata xSdirect: Ada selalu momen di masa kecil kalau pintu terbuka dan membiarkan masa depan di. - Graham Green
Proses bertindak sebagai orang tua --- Akar dan Sayap
Proses bertindak sebagai orang tua --- Akar dan Sayap
Oleh Kim Olver
Saya yakin banyak di antara anda sudah mendengar pepatah kartu Tanda tua itu yang pergi sesuatu suka pada ini: Orang-tua memberi anak mereka dua hadiah baik --- sesuatu adalah akar, yang lain adalah sayap. Ini adalah apa yang saya alamatkan di artikel ini.
Sebagai orang-tua, kami bersembahyang untuk keamanan, kesehatan dan kebahagiaan anak kami. Kami melakukan segalanya kami tahu untuk menolong membuat hal ini terjadi bagi mereka.
Di suatu titik di jiwa kami, kami memperkembangkan asas dan nilai pemandu itu keputusan hidup kami. Orang-tua kami dan/atau pengasuh tentu mempunyai pengaruh lebih dari ini tetapi tidak menyelesaikan kebulatan tekad. Beberapa dari kami dengan girang mengambil nilai orang-tua kami dan terus hidup dengan mereka hari ini. Beberapa dari kami begitu betul-betul menolak nilai orang-tua kami bahwa keputusan kami ditentukan dengan melakukan lawan persis apa kami percaya akan dilakukan orang-tua kami.
Kebanyakan dari kami, tetapi, entah di mana di pertengahan --- kami sudah menyetujui beberapa nilai orang-tua dan orang lain tolakan kami. Ini adalah proses biasa perkembangan. Sebagai orang-tua, meskipun, kami benar-benar berjuang melawan titik itu di jiwa anak kami kalau mereka sedang mencoba membedakan sendiri dari kami.
Mungkin itu ialah karena kami ketakutan untuk keamanan mereka di mereka membuat keputusan. Mungkin kami bisa melihat bahwa mereka sedang nyambung di tak sehat kelakuan atau menuju ke bawah garis edar jiwa yang pada akhirnya akan memimpin sampai ketidakbahagiaan. Yang mana pun sebab, kami takut jika nilai anak kami berbeda terlalu banyak dari kami sendiri.
Kami, sebagai orang-tua, bisa melakukan apa? Terlebih dulu semua, sewaktu kami membesarkan anak kami, kami sedang menolong untuk memperkuat akar mereka. Ini adalah hadiah pertama orang-tua memberi anak mereka. Bagaimana sesuatu memperkuat akar? Kami cenderung, kami mengasuh, kami makan, kami menanam --- semua untuk memperkembangkan akar kuat.
Salingberbagi sistem nilai kami kritis sampai proses ini. Dalam saling berbagi nilai, teringat bahwa orang membayar lebih banyak perhatian ke apa yang dilihat oleh mereka, seditentang ke apa yang didengar oleh mereka. Oleh karena itu, jika anda menjadi orang-tua yang memberi tahu anak anda salah kalau berasap sedangkan anda ialah toking di atas rokok anda, tahu bahwa interpretasi mereka merokok akan mungkin berbeda dari apa anda secara verbal sedang mendukung.
Tugas pertumbuhan masa remaja ialah pemisahan dan individuation. Ini musim kalau anak sedang mencoba memisahkan sendiri dari orang-tua mereka sampai luas. Bisa menjadi waktu yang sangat menakutkan bagi orang-tua. Kami melakukan apa? Ini adalah waktu untuk hadiah orang tua kedua --- sayap.
We want to give our children gradual "flying" lessons. Children are not ready to go from the total and complete shelter of their parents' protection to being absolutely out on their own. This must be a gradual process.
Dr. Nancy Buck, in her book Peaceful Parenting, says it best. "We limit freedom for as long as it takes to teach responsible behavior and then we give back the freedom." We want our children learning the
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precarious process of making decisions while they are still under our semi-protection.
During the teen years is the perfect time to allow our teens to begin the process of deciding what their own set of values will be. If you have done a good job with the roots and you handle the next part with a minimum of confrontation, then the value process will go relatively smoothly.
Remember, your teen is doing nothing different than you did. The only difference is that you were wrestling with your parents' values and your teen is wrestling with YOUR values. It has a very different feel to it, but it is the same nonetheless. You may say that your value system works just fine for you and your teen needs to see things the same way you do. However, the reality is that you cannot know what is best for another person, including your children. You are not them. You do not occupy their skin. Only they can truly decide what is best for themselves and then they will have to live with the consequences of their decisions.
I remember when my oldest son was sixteen and working as a waiter in a local diner. He became involved in a confrontation with a customer over a racial remark the customer made. When hearing the story, I was extremely proud that my son stood up for equality and fairness but was actually mortified by his immature, locker room behavior that he displayed! No, I will not print exactly what he did but suffice it to say that it was not a proud maternal moment.
My son and I had several conversations about this incident over the next few days and I was unable to get him to understand that what he had done was inappropriate. Finally, he said to me, "Mom, I know you want me to say that I was wrong but I'm not ashamed of what I did. In fact, I would do exactly the same thing if the situation presents itself again." Wow, I guess he told me!
I had to practice what I preach. His value system was not matching up with mine. It was very clear to me that he was "wrong", however, in his world at that time, he did the "right" thing for him. When you give your child wings, you need to allow them to do things their own way even if you are sure a better way exists. You can offer your better way in the form of a suggestion, but then get out of the way and allow your child to make the decision and to manage the consequences that occur because of that decision.
This process helps our children become better decision makers. We talk with our children about all the choices that exist, and then examine the pros and cons of each choice. After that, we must step back and allow our children to make the decision that's right for them. Then, we can talk to them about how things worked out but never protect them from the consequences of their decisions. This is where the learning takes place.
You are there to support them and help them manage the consequences but don't intervene on their behalf and also don't assume that "I told you so" attitude. That does not teach your child anything but not to come to you to talk things over anymore.
Come to one of our workshops where you can learn more about
teens and more about roots and wings, while your children are involved in the revolutionary R.E.S.P.E.C.T. Academy, where they will be learning the tools of self-discipline, survival and empowerment. Visit www.TheRelationshipCenter.biz and view the information regarding our Parent/Teen Weekend Workshop that run periodically throughout the United States or check our events calendar for upcoming teleclasses and chats.
Kim Olver is a licensed professional counselor and a life/relationship coach. She helps people unleash their personal power by living from the inside out, focusing their time and energy on only those things they can control. Visit her website at
www.TheRelationshipCenter.biz
or contact her at (708) 957-6047.
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