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Best Online Parenting Advice 为人父母的最佳在线咨询
By Paulina Aubin 据保班
All of us want to be the best parent we can be, but we sometimes doubt whether we are doing what's best for our children.我们大家都希望是最好的父母，我们可以，但我们有时怀疑是否我们所要做的就是最好的为我们的孩子。 Good parenting skills are learned; we're not born with them.好为人父母的技巧是教训;我们不是与他们出生。 But where Read more...但是，在阅读更多资讯...
Tips for Parenting a Toddler 提示养育一个三岁的孩子
By Morgan Hamilton 由摩根汉密尔顿
Parenting a toddler can truly restore your you because of the playful nature and share wonder of the child.养育一个三岁的孩子才能真正恢复您的你，因为顽皮的性质和分享奇妙的孩子。 But at the very same time it can be one of the most trying responsibilities that you will Read more...但在同样的时间可以是一个最艰难的责任，你将了解更多信息...
parenting quotes: I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it. 为人父母的报价：我已经找到了最好的方式提供意见，以你的孩子是找出他们想要什么，然后提醒他们这样做。 - Harry S Truman -杜鲁门
Parenting---Roots and Wings亲子---根和翅膀
Parenting---Roots and Wings亲子---根和翅膀
By Kim Olver金Olver
I'm sure many of you have heard that old Hallmark card adage that goes something like this: Parents give their children two great gifts---one is roots, the other is wings.我确信你们中许多人已经听到老标志卡的格言说是这样的：父母给子女两个伟大的礼物---一个是根，另一种是翅膀。 This is what I address in this article.这就是我处理这一条。
As parents, we pray for our children's safety, health and happiness.作为父母，我们祈祷我们的孩子的安全，健康和幸福。 We do everything we know to help make these things happen for them.我们尽我们知道，以帮助使这些事情他们。
At some point in our lives, we developed the principles and values that guide our life decisions.在某个时刻在我们的生活中，我们开发的原则和价值观，指导我们的生活的决定。 Our parents and/or caregivers certainly had influence over this but not complete determination.我们的父母和/或照顾者当然有这种影响力，但不完整的决心。 Some of us gladly adopted the values of our parents and continue to live by them today.我们中有些人很高兴通过的价值观我们的父母和继续生活的今天。 Some of us so completely rejected our parents values that our decisions are determined by doing the exact opposite of what we believe our parents would do.我们中有些人完全拒绝，使我们的父母的价值观，我们的决定是这样确定的正好相反的是我们认为我们的父母做。
Most of us, however, are somewhere in the middle---we have accepted some of our parents values and rejected others.我们大多数人来说，不过，某处中---我们已经接受我们的一些父母的价值观和拒绝他人。 This is a normal process of development.这是一个正常的发展进程。 As parents, though, we really fight that period in our children's lives when they are attempting to differentiate themselves from us.作为父母，但我们真的打击这一时期在我国儿童的生命时，他们正试图使其有别于我们。
Maybe it is because we fear for their safety in their decision-making.也许是因为我们担心自己的安全在其决策。 Maybe we can see that they are engaging in unhealthy behavior or heading down a life path that will ultimately lead to unhappiness.也许我们可以看到，他们是从事不健康的行为或下跌的生活道路，最终将导致不满。 Whatever the reason, we get scared if our children's values differ too much from our own.不管什么原因，我们害怕，如果我们的孩子们的价值观差异太大从我们自己。
What can we, as parents, do?怎样，我们作为家长，怎么办呢？ First of all, as we raise our children, we are helping to strengthen their roots.首先，我们提高我们的孩子，我们正在帮助加强其根源。 This is the first gift a parent gives their child.这是第一次父母的礼物给他们的孩子。 How does one strengthen roots?如何加强基层？ We tend, we nurture, we feed, we cultivate---all to develop strong roots.我们倾向于，我们培养，我们饲料，我们培养---所有发展强有力的根源。
Sharing our value system with our children is critical to this process.分享我们的价值体系与我们的孩子是至关重要的这一进程。 In sharing values, remember that people pay more attention to what they see, as opposed to what they hear.在共享的价值观，牢记人民更多地注意他们所看到的，而不是他们听到的。 Therefore, if you are a parent who tells your children it is wrong to smoke while you are toking on your cigarette, know that their interpretation of smoking will likely be different from what you are verbally espousing.因此，如果你是一位家长，谁告诉你的孩子是错误的烟雾，而你是令牌在您的香烟，知道他们的解释吸烟可能会不同于您是口头拥护。
A developmental task of adolescence is separation and individuation.发展的任务，青春期是分离和个性化。 This is the time when children are attempting to separate themselves from their parents to an extent.这是当时的儿童正试图分开他们从父母的程度。 It can be a very frightening time for parents.它可以是一个非常可怕的时候父母。 What do we do?我们该做什么？ This is the time for the second parental gift---wings.这是时间的第二父母的礼物---翅膀。
We want to give our children gradual "flying" lessons.我们希望给我们的孩子逐渐“飞”的经验教训。 Children are not ready to go from the total and complete shelter of their parents' protection to being absolutely out on their own.孩子们没有准备好从全面和彻底的住房其父母的保护，绝对是自己的。 This must be a gradual process.这必须是一个渐进的过程。
Dr. Nancy Buck, in her book Peaceful Parenting, says it best.南希巴克博士，在她的书和平共处父母说，他们最好的。 "We limit freedom for as long as it takes to teach responsible behavior and then we give back the freedom." “我们自由的限制，只要需要教的行为负责，然后我们回馈的自由。 ” We want our children learning the ...continued below/我们希望我们的孩子学习...继续下文/
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/continued... precarious process of making decisions while they are still under our semi-protection. /继续...岌岌可危进程的决策，而他们仍然在我们的半保护。
During the teen years is the perfect time to allow our teens to begin the process of deciding what their own set of values will be.在青少年是一个完美的时间，以使我们的青少年开始进行决定什么自己的一套价值观念将。 If you have done a good job with the roots and you handle the next part with a minimum of confrontation, then the value process will go relatively smoothly.如果您已经做得很好的根源，你处理未来的一部分，最低的对抗，那么价值进程将进入相对顺利。
Remember, your teen is doing nothing different than you did.请记住，您的孩子什么都不做不同的比你做到了。 The only difference is that you were wrestling with your parents' values and your teen is wrestling with YOUR values.唯一不同的是，你是摔跤与你的父母的价值观和你的青少年摔跤是与你的价值观。 It has a very different feel to it, but it is the same nonetheless.它有一个非常不同的感觉，但它是相同的依然如故。 You may say that your value system works just fine for you and your teen needs to see things the same way you do.您可能会说，你的价值系统的工作只是罚款，你和你的青少年需要看到事物以同样的方式你怎么做。 However, the reality is that you cannot know what is best for another person, including your children.然而，现实情况是，你可以不知道什么是最好的其他人，包括你的孩子。 You are not them.你不是他们。 You do not occupy their skin.你不去占领他们的皮肤。 Only they can truly decide what is best for themselves and then they will have to live with the consequences of their decisions.只有他们才能真正决定什么是最适合自己的，然后他们将一起生活的后果，他们的决定。
I remember when my oldest son was sixteen and working as a waiter in a local diner.我记得当我的大儿子是16和工作作为一个侍应生在一个地方用餐。 He became involved in a confrontation with a customer over a racial remark the customer made.他是参与了对抗与客户多种族的话客户的进展。 When hearing the story, I was extremely proud that my son stood up for equality and fairness but was actually mortified by his immature, locker room behavior that he displayed!当听故事，我是非常自豪的是，我的儿子站起来的平等和公平，但实际上是羞愧，他不成熟，更衣室，他的行为显示！ No, I will not print exactly what he did but suffice it to say that it was not a proud maternal moment.不，我不会打印他以什么，但我只想说，这不是一个骄傲的产妇的时刻。
My son and I had several conversations about this incident over the next few days and I was unable to get him to understand that what he had done was inappropriate.我的儿子，我有几个交谈这件事在未来几天内，我无法让他明白，他的所作所为是不合适的。 Finally, he said to me, "Mom, I know you want me to say that I was wrong but I'm not ashamed of what I did. In fact, I would do exactly the same thing if the situation presents itself again."最后，他对我说： “妈妈，我知道你要我说，我错了，但是我不感到羞耻我就是这样做的。事实上，我想这样做同样的事情如果局势再次提出了自己。 ” Wow, I guess he told me!哇，我猜想，他告诉我！
I had to practice what I preach.我要实践我的说教。 His value system was not matching up with mine.他的价值体系是不是符合了地雷。 It was very clear to me that he was "wrong", however, in his world at that time, he did the "right" thing for him.这是非常清楚的，我认为他是“错误的” ，然而，在他的世界在那个时候，他没有“正确”的事情他。 When you give your child wings, you need to allow them to do things their own way even if you are sure a better way exists.当您给您的孩子的翅膀，你需要让他们做的事情自己的路，即使你是确保更好的方式存在。 You can offer your better way in the form of a suggestion, but then get out of the way and allow your child to make the decision and to manage the consequences that occur because of that decision.您可以提供您更好的办法的形式建议，但随后失控的方式，让您的孩子作出的决定和管理发生的后果，因为这一决定。
This process helps our children become better decision makers.这一过程可以帮助我们的孩子成为更好的决策者。 We talk with our children about all the choices that exist, and then examine the pros and cons of each choice.我们跟我们的孩子对所有的选择存在，然后检查的优点和缺点各的选择。 After that, we must step back and allow our children to make the decision that's right for them.在此之后，我们必须退后一步，让我们的孩子作出的决定的权利他们。 Then, we can talk to them about how things worked out but never protect them from the consequences of their decisions.然后，我们可以跟他们如何工作的事情，但从来没有保护他们免受后果他们的决定。 This is where the learning takes place.这是需要学习的地方。
You are there to support them and help them manage the consequences but don't intervene on their behalf and also don't assume that "I told you so" attitude.您有支持他们，帮助他们管理的后果，但不干预他们的代表，也不要以为“我告诉你”的态度。 That does not teach your child anything but not to come to you to talk things over anymore.这并不是教你的孩子什么，而不是来找你谈的东西多了。
Come to one of our workshops where you can learn more about来我们的一个讲习班，您可以在这里了解更多有关 teens and more about roots and wings, while your children are involved in the revolutionary RESPECT Academy, where they will be learning the tools of self-discipline, survival and empowerment.青少年和更多的根和翅膀，而你的孩子都参与了革命性的尊重科学院，在那里他们将学习的工具自律，生存和能力。 Visit www.TheRelationshipCenter.biz and view the information regarding our Parent/Teen Weekend Workshop that run periodically throughout the United States or check our events calendar for upcoming teleclasses and chats.访问www.TheRelationshipCenter.biz与浏览信息的对我们的父母/青少年周末讲习班定期运行整个美国或检查我们的活动为即将到来的日历teleclasses和聊天。
Kim Olver is a licensed professional counselor and a life/relationship coach.金Olver是持牌专业辅导员和生活/关系的教练。 She helps people unleash their personal power by living from the inside out, focusing their time and energy on only those things they can control.她帮助人们发挥他们的个人权力的生活从内向外，集中时间和精力，只有那些东西，他们可以控制的。 Visit her website at www.TheRelationshipCenter.biz or contact her at (708) 957-6047.访问她的网站www.TheRelationshipCenter.biz或与她（ 708 ） 957-6047 。
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