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Real Christian Parenting 真正的基督徒父母
By Chelsea Aubin 切尔西班
There are a few types of parenting, called Christian parenting that has caused a big debate.有几种类型的父母，养育子女所谓基督教造成了大辩论。 Some people actually link Christian parenting with child abuse.有些人实际上的联系与基督教父母虐待儿童。 This is not the case.这种情况并非如此。 In fact, many people Read more...事实上，许多人了解更多信息...

parenting quotes: Parents are the bones on which children cut their teeth. 为人父母的报价：父母是骨头上的儿童降低他们的牙齿。 - Peter Ustinov -彼得乌斯季诺夫

Parenting Teens - Getting Your Point Across青少年亲子-让您点跨越

Parenting Teens - Getting Your Point Across青少年亲子-让您点跨越
By Carol Shepley谢普利的颂歌
Giving advice to a teenager is very easy; getting a teenager to take that advice is another matter altogether.提供咨询意见少年很容易;获得少年采取这种意见是另一回事了。 It's not only a case of the advice 'falling on deaf ears', sometimes the teenager seems to go deliberately out of their way to do the exact opposite, that's when you know you've got a problem.这不仅是一个案件的意见'下降置若罔闻，有时少年似乎有意离开自己的办法正好相反，这是当你知道你的问题。 So how do you go about giving advice to a teen?所以你如何去提供咨询，以一个十几岁的孩子？

The short answer to this question is "don't".短期内对此问题的回答是“不” 。 Now at first glance this probably sounds ridiculous, after all parents have more experience of life and most would agree that a parent's job is to pass this experience onto their children.现在，乍看之下这可能听起来可笑，毕竟父母有更多的生活经验和最会同意，家长的任务是通过这一经验到自己的孩子。 But the problem with giving advice is that it's really just a way of maintaining control.但问题提供咨询意见是，它真的只是一种保持控制。 We often cover it up by saying we know what's best in the situation, we have the experience and knowledge, but in reality what we're saying is what we want to happen, this is what we want you to do.我们常常掩盖了说我们知道什么是最好的情况，我们的经验和知识，但在现实中我们所要说的是我们所希望的发生，这就是我们要你做。

Adolescence is a time for learning to self-manage, to take responsibility for yourself and your actions.青春期是一个时间的学习，自我管理，承担责任，你和你的行动。 It's an essential process if your teen is to become a well-adjusted, fully functioning adult ready for the 21st century.这是一个重要的进程，如果您的孩子成为一个良好的调整，充分发挥职能成人准备的21世纪。 And a fundamental part of the process is handing over control to your teen.和一个基本组成部分的过程控制权移交到您的青少年。

For most parents this is a really scary thought.对于大多数的父母，这是一个非常可怕的思想。 They're concerned about what will happen if they do, that if they give up some control it will mean they lose all control.他们担心会发生什么事，如果他们这样做了，如果他们放弃一些控制这将意味着他们失去了所有的控制。 They're concerned about what their teen will do or what happens if they get it wrong, in other words they feel a need to protect their teen.他们担心自己的青少年从事或将发生的事情，如果他们或者做错了什么，换言之，他们觉得有必要保护他们的青少年。

Firstly, handing over control at this stage is more about handing over responsibility and accountability on how to do something, not handing over total control.首先，交出控制在这个阶段是更多关于移交责任制和问责制就如何做，而不是交给总量控制。 It's about letting your teen have an involvement in how to solve a particular problem, it's about teaching them problem solving skills.它是让您的青少年有参与如何解决一个具体问题，而是为了教他们解决问题的技巧。 If you always provide the solution how will ...continued below/如果你总是提供的解决方案将如何继续...以下/

/continued... they ever learn to do it for themselves? /继续...他们都学会做自己的？

Secondly, your teen is very likely to get it 'wrong', to make mistakes and what is wrong about that?其次，你的青少年很可能会得到'错误' ，犯错误的，什么是错吗？ You're teaching them how to self-correct, just as they did when they first learned to ride a bike and kept falling off.你教他们如何自我正确的，正如他们当他们第一次学会了骑自行车和不断脱落。 Making mistakes is a natural part of the learning process; more learning comes from making mistakes than comes from getting it 'right'.决策失误是一种自然的一部分，学习过程;更多的学习来自决策失误比来自获得它的权利。 How much does it really matter if they don't get it 'right' first time or choose the 'best' alternative?多少钱真正的问题如果不得到它的权利的第一时间或选择'最好'的选择？

Finally, is your solution the 'best'?最后，是您的解决方案的'最好'的？ It's easy to forget that our children are different to us when thinking about a solution to a problem.这很容易忘记，我们的孩子是不同的，我们在思考解决的问题。 The solution may be the best one for you, but is it the best one for your teen?该解决方案可能是最好的一个你，但是它最适合你的少年？

Giving advice by telling teens what to do is only one way of passing on a parent's knowledge, there are other ways of achieving the same outcome and with a higher likelihood of success.提供咨询，告诉青少年怎么做的唯一途径就是传承父母的知识，还有其他的方式来实现同样的结果，并具有较高的成功概率。 And it's how you pass on that experience that makes the difference.而且您如何通过这一经验，使其中的差别。

How to Get Your Point Across如何获得你点跨越

1. 1 。 Ask before you give.卖出前你给。 Always ask your teen if they want your advice before you start to give it.总是问你的青少年如果他们想要你的意见，然后再开始给它。 If they say, "yes please" then go ahead and have your say, if they say "no" respect their decision and keep quiet.如果他们说， “是请” ，然后继续和你说，如果他们说“不” ，尊重他们的决定和保持沉默。

2. 2 。 Question their intent.问他们的意图。 If your teen has refused advice, ask them specific questions about how they're going to handle the situation.如果您的青少年拒绝意见，询问他们的具体问题，他们是如何去处理这种情况。 Asking questions about smaller 'parts' of the problem is a way to at least get your teen to think about what's involved.询问有关小'零件'的问题是一种方法，至少让您的青少年想什么参与。

3. 3 。 Provide information instead.提供信息代替。 Directing your teen to a source of information that's neutral allows your teen access to information without having to agree to your point of view.引导青少年向您的信息来源是中立让您的青少年获得信息，而不同意你的观点。

4. 4 。 Give your teen time.让您的青少年时间。 Just because your teen hasn't given you an immediate answer to your question doesn't mean they're ignoring it.只是因为你的少年并没有给你立即回答你的问题并不意味着他们忽视它。 Give them time to go away and think about the answers.给他们时间，走和思考的答案。

5. 5 。 Highlight their qualities.突出其品质。 Reminding teens of their strengths will focus their minds on choosing options that make the best of them.十几岁的提醒自己的长处将他们集中精神选择的选择，使最好的人。 Focus on their weaknesses and they're likely to lose confidence in doing anything.专注于他们的弱点，他们很可能会失去信心，做任何事情。

6. 6 。 Listen to your teen.听您的青少年。 Often just listening to your teen without interrupting will show you that you don't even need to give advice; your teen already has a solution.往往只是听您的青少年不中断将显示你甚至都不需要提供咨询意见;您的青少年已经有一个解决办法。
Carol Shepley has been involved with teenagers for over 10 years and, as the parent of a teen herself, fully understands the pressures placed on parents and teens today.卡罗尔谢普利一直参与的青少年超过10年，并作为母公司的一个十几岁的孩子自己，充分理解的压力放在青少年的父母和今天。 She now shares this knowledge and experience through her website www.growingupmatters.com so that parents can help their teens become resilient, resourceful and responsible adults.她现在的股票这方面的知识和经验，通过自己的网站www.growingupmatters.com ，以便家长可以帮助他们的青少年成为富有活力，机智和负责任的成人。

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